I choose… 

I choose… 

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First things first, I’m out numbered here (but who doesn’t want to be the only queen)! If you look at this picture your overwhelmed with cuteness. Haha I am anyways. Anywho, I just want to say how grateful I am for these three to make me a wife and a mama. I’m grateful that my husband loves me beyond words and is a great father to our boys. I’m grateful for all we’ve been through with Liam because God is using his life on earth to build up ours and Liam’s riches in heaven. If we didn’t get a Liam, we wouldn’t have gotten a Logan. Logan and Liam have allowed us to witness miracles, Gods miracles. Logan has shown us what happens when you completely trust in God and know He knows what we need and is the ULTIMATE PHYSICIAN.

If I focus on the negative I can get sucked into the overwhelming seasons and feeling sorry for myself of all I have to go through and how much harder it is, and wah wah wah! Who wants to hear that?!?

So here I am to share that yes, this can be a lot at times but that’s why I have Jesus. So that I can lean on Him and get my strength from Him. To see what a blessing it is that He chose me to have this life and experience. That it’s not hopeless because I have hope in my one true King!! I know that it’s not going unnoticed. That God is bringing people into my life who I can share my seasons with and He is using that to speak to them.
So no, I don’t HAVE to go through this but I CHOOSE to go through this. I choose to RESPECT my husband all the days I don’t feel like it. I CHOOSE to love my boys even when I’m up to my ears with crying and whining. I CHOOSE to be here and be a wife and mom. This is the life God has planned out for me. I have God who can do ANYTHING to lead me and get me through anything I feel is impossible.

All the times my husband tells me to rejoice at 4am when Logan wakes up crying, all the times Liam won’t let me walk away for 10 minutes. All the times I’m so tired I feel like my head is spinning. I’m must rejoice because God is taking me out of my comfort zone so I can grow. I need to grow… He’s pruning me because I am where he needs me to be. He’s getting me ready for the next season. He’s pruning me so I can be fruitful and my flowers will be in full bloom!!
Thinking back to the days where Liam had a pulse ox monitor and oxygen I had to take every where we went. Being a new mom, with a special needs child. Being a new wife learning how to respect my husband unconditionally. Never crying so much in my life. Wondering if we were going to be able to pay the rent that month. Unsure of what we will eat. Not knowing if we would ever have another child. Not knowing how long Liam had to live. Not knowing if Logan would have what Liam has. Losing myself in it all. One thing I know for sure is that God gave me hope, strength and peace. It all drew me closer to God. Isn’t that’s what it’s all about?

What are you doing to hinder your relationship with God? What’s holding you back from surrending all to Him and drawing near to him. Trusting and having faith that he WILL and always does provide. There is not magic solution to any of this. Your either hot or cold. There is no in between. You either let go and let God change your life (because only he can do that) or you live in darkness. That does get old at some point because your cup is empty and doesn’t have living water in it.

Battles are won in prayer. Please let me know how I can pray for you.
Mama Gillean 💛

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